better to love and lost than to never love at all
by bubblisiousmax
Summary: ...or is it? chaos wants Jr.s attension, so he askes KOSMOS for help...is KOSMOS...or everyone on board the Elsa and Durandal turning into a slash maniac!i guess theyre more accepying in the futyre... read and find out. CH 2 IS UP!
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer- i dont own Xenosaga, it is the copy write of namco, and who ever bribed them to make the 2nd game total crap.

The interior lights of the Elsa were dim because it was nighttime. Shion and MO-MO were in cabin one while the guys were in cabin two. Well every one except Chaos. Chaos was walking down to the hanger. As he reached the elevator he thought to himself; ' Ya know, I bet the program who created this ship was made by an idiot.' He thought about how it would be so much faster to just have a bridge to KOS-MOS' hanger than go down one elevator and up the next. He walked through the sliding and sat down on the bench to the right. "Sigh...I could really use your help." He said in a mournful tone. After about ten minutes of contemplating waking her up, he just decided to take a nap; it seemed it was 4:46 am. As the sand man waltzed in and kicked him in the head with his sandy feet, KOS-MOs' chamber opened. She stepped out confirming the routine system check. "All systems operational." She said.

As her vision booted up, she noticed a sleeping Chaos in the corner. She slowly walked over to him and shook him gently. He didn't budge. She shook him again and said his name, and got no response. After about eight more times of repeating, her emotion module began to overload with annoyance. After two more times of shaking him roughly, she finally lost control and lifted him by the neck (which still didn't faze him) and roughly threw him toward the ground screaming his name. She watched as Chaos opened his eyes before he hit the ground and the tired dazed feeling of 'where am I?' Cross his face. He hit the ground and was instantly knocked out, which defeated the purpose of throwing him. As he bounced and rolled to the other side of the room, KOS-MOS had reached her absolute limit. On her internal heads up display, she selected the X-Buster feature. "Charging," she said in a massively annoyed tone. Chaos opened his eyes and watched, paralyzed in horror as he saw the massive blue octopus-spike thing launch out from her back. A tear fell from his eye as he watched her slowly and dramatically straighten her posture to open up her abs. Chaos was gone, and so was a large part of the ship. KOS-MOS was laughing maniacally she stood triumphantly with her hands at her hips in front of the gaping hole. Hey, every ones gotta be a little crazy sometimes. "KOS-MOS?" she heard her name in a worried tone. She looked down and noticed that Chaos was still sitting there, and looked very scared. "Were...were you just laughing maniacally?" he asked.

"My speech center program does not support a 'maniacal' laugh," she said mater-o-factly.

"Well...ok..." Chaos said, giving a skeptical smirk. "Any how, I came down to ask for your help."

"I would be happy to be of service." she said looking down at chaos who was still sitting.

Chaos tapped the seat next to him. KOS-MOS recognized this hand motion from her memory banks, and sat down.

"I...I like some one," Chaos began looking into KOS-MOS' eyes. "This person...I'm not sure if they'd like me like this." He said making a gesture at his body. KOS-MOS looked blankly at chaos for a moment waiting for him to continue. After about a minute of staring at him, she realized that was it. She inwardly rolled her eyes, and her CPU thought it was a bug, that feeling. She ran another diagnostic on herself when she was having the daydream that involved dying on chaos' part. Nothing came up, and she told her self to get checked by Shion later.

"The algorithms i have been programed with do not support the comprehension of illogical human thought."

"I know, I know, but I need your help, and in order for you to help me, I need you to learn."

"Understood," she said accepting the challenge. She set her internal computer to work. 'Sigh' she though, 'stupid humans and their stupid love. Wait what? gaah! Again! Shion! I need your assistance!' she thought in desperation, but decided against calling Shion since it would be unhealthy for her to get no sleep.

"If this person does not 'like' you how you are, then why are you going to try? That would be the equivalent to a homosexual male human, trying to earn the love of a heterosexual male human."

"Funny you should mention that," Chaos said with a chuckle.

KOS-MOS looked at Chaos. "That's the problem I have, I think I'm in love with... Jr." KOS-MOS internally squealed 'o.m.g.' this is sooo hot!' she thought (a/n-ha that rhymed! im a poet! burn me!). "I was thinking since you are so beautiful, that you could help me look like a woman." He said with a blush. "I do not understand.," she said while internally sqee-ing again. "Well..." he said scratching his head, "I'd rather know what its like to be loved by the person I love, than never know at all. Ever hear that saying; it's better to love and lost, than to never love at all?" KOS-MOS was to busy internally squealing again to hear the last part.

"Understood, i am happy to be of service."


	2. Chapter 2

discaimer- i still dont own xenosaga and its still owned by namco...these things annoy me and make me not wanna write...that why i put them up last...lol well thanx for the tips 100-Series i hope you all enjoy!

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"First I will need you to undress." she said after they were done shopping. 

"W-what!" Chaos stuttered.

"While you where trying on the virtual clothing I was researching makeovers, and came to the conclusion that the first step to a good makeover, is to first buy many articles of clothing, to see which one looks the best on you."

"Wasn't that the purpose of trying on the clothing?" Chaos asked confused.

"Yes...well that is what I thought, until I read an old article about a television program called 'Fashion Police,' which confused me very much. However, you told me to think like a human, so I turned of my reason module."

Chaos laughed and wondered who was paying for all the expensive clothing that they had just bought.

Somewhere in a dark room on the Vector capital, the Secretary of Treasury was gawking at the prices that some one had the audacity to spend on clothing. "Oh, they'll pay," said an ominous-anonymous voice, "They'll reimburse this entire company, and me...mainly me...MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

Back on the ship, Chaos thought having heard something, shuddered.

"What is the matter?" KOS-MOS asked.

"Oh...hehe it's nothing, just a bad feeling." he said.

"Your pessimism is not required.," she said grabbing a long black dress from a box.

"Try this article of clothing on first." She said throwing it at him. "We do not have much time; it is 12:23pm and the crew will be asking for our presence for breakfast in 7 minutes and 56 seconds. I estimate that if you move quickly enough, with an 89.9991 accuracy, that we can get 3 dresses out of the way."

"Three dresses! I thought we only bought two!"

"You did, I however estimated that to get the maximum amount of possible vanity, we would have to go through 38 dresses, 23 pairs of pants, 46 shirts, 13 accesories,and 12 thongs."

Chaos' jaw hit the floor at the number 38, and by the word 'thong', it had officially sunken through the floor.

"Chaos?" KOS-MOS asked. No reply. "Chaos? What is the matter?" no response. "Chaos?... Chaos? Chaos? Chaos? Chaos? Chaos? Chaos? Chaos?" she repeated the name many more times before smacking him upside the head so hard, that his skull shattered and his brain bloodied the walls.

Another daydream. "Yes KOS-MOS?" he answered.

"Here is your dress," she said handing him the plain black one she had been holding, "please hurry, we will reach the Kukai Foundation in three days."

Chaos took the dress, walked to the corner of the room, undid his orange short things, and let them fall to the ground. He looked over at KOS-MOS to find that she had followed him to the corner and was standing only a foot away. "Aah!" he screamed in surprise, falling to the ground. "What is the problem?" she asked.

"What-what is the problem! You voyeur! You were gonna watch me get naked!" KOS-MOS inwardly smirked.

"Full systems check reveals no problems; please continue, you have wasted enough time, you now have only five minutes. Two dresses must be worn, if we are to attempt to establish a schedule."

"Can you please go to the other side of the room and give me some privacy, please?" Chaos said a little annoyed.

"If it will make you dress and undress faster then I shall." she walked to the corner. When she had reached the corner she turned around, and looked at chaos again.

"Some PRIVACY please! Turn around!" KOS-MOS inwardly drooped, "understood," and then remembered something. She hacked into the Elsa's security system and found their room. She guided the camera to get Chaos undressing. 'Giggady giggady goo,' she thought as she began to record every moment in the ships memory banks and hers as well.

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haha i also dont own family guy...if i had put it at the top disclamer it would have given it away :P 


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